Fear...for old men

It's funny, I never knew true fear until I moved away from home. Fear didn't exist in country life, not real fear. Sure there was the day to day fear that poverty brings, but real cognizant fear...no. I never felt it in South Hill. School brought the closest thing to fear that I had known but true fear....that came later. Not long after after graduation actually....after a short Greyhound Bus Ride. The streets of Richmond in fact, center city I guess, downtown. I don't mean that to be a dig on Richmond in any way, I loved Richmond. It was in fact the only time I had ever been on any streets alone....and especially late at night. I was only seventeen, just graduated from High School and I was earning a living with a Pool Cue, living in hotels and boarding houses and working a full time day job as well. I think part of the fear was really just missing home. This wasn't anything like the simple country life I had led and I mixed and mingled with dangerous folks. I played anyone that was willing, age, or money didn't make a difference. I played nine ball with some of the best there was for $20 on every odd ball, the 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9....you could lose a hundred dollars a game and this was 1970! I lived on the edge, often playing in games with not a single penny in my pocket. I wouldn't even be able to pay for the game if I lost. Losing would mean a beating....or much likely a lot worse, so I didn't lose. It's amazing the nerves of youth...I wrote stories for the book "Streak of Lean" (still in progress) and I realized that what I did scares me more today than it did back then...maybe true fear is only for old men...maybe age makes you realize and accept the fact that there is fear within you....even if you don't want to own up to it.